Or, the Anti-Oscars.^TM

Best Director 2000

Stephen Daldry for Billy Elliot

PRO: Okay, so everyone wants to get out of the coal mines. Daldry still made a nice, heartwarming, Flashdance-style movie.

CON: The annoying Mr. Bojangles moments when the lead character, who has suffered for ballet, turns into a tap-dancing genius.

Ang Lee for Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

PRO: The crouching tiger.

CON:The hidden dragon.

Steven Soderbergh for Erin Brockovich

PRO: We hate feisty lawyers, people who are too poor to order Panna in fancy restaurants, and Julia Roberts. And we still thought this was a good movie.

CON: Likely to split vote with himself (can we call them "good" Steven and "evil" Steven?) Also, like it's tough to point a camera at Julia Roberts' tits and turn it on.

Ridley Scott for Gladiator

PRO: He is Spartacus. Scott has a nice sense of pomp, and he's good at shooting people dying.
CON: Too cartoony. The story's too slow; the editing's too fast. The voice of James Earl Jones would have made a more realistic villain than Joaquin Phoenix.

Steven Soderbergh for Traffic

PRO: Gritty, long, epic, wonderful. Academy voters who want to reward him for the year may gravitate to this, the heavier of his two movies.
CON: Ignored Catherine Zeta-Jones' figure. At least the "good" Steven who directed Erin Brockovich knows where the hooters are.